"Happy to Help."

Back in my day, supermarkets used to employ people: they were called cashiers, or check out staff. It was their job to check the prices on your items, scan them and charge you money, and give you your change.

These days, it is getting harder and harder to know who is the staff, and who the customer is. So, in a break from tradition - here is a variation on the Supermarket game. It's called "Spot the Cashier!"

Here goes! Good luck!

SPOT THE CASHIER

PICTURE 1: Spot the cashier?

Yes, that's right. It IS a trick question: There are NO cashiers at all. However, the store is still open and customers are still buying their products. Amazing isn't it? Progress? 

PICTURE 2: Spot the cashier?

Tricky as well, eh? Well, those people in the background, in the ASDA uniforms with their arms folded chatting about where they are going to go on holiday this year? They are NOT cashiers! However, we made this one doubly tricky...the lady scanning all the shopping and checking the prices...is NOT a cashier either! She is in fact a customer! Ha ha! Oh, it gets harder. Ready for the next one?

PICTURE 3: Spot the cashier?

Okay, so we know that the customer who is scanning her own products and checking the prices is NOT a cashier...but what about the chappie in the uniform? Is HE a cashier check out person? He is behind the 'till area'...he is scanning a product...but - NO!! He is NOT a cashier! 

However, he DOES have a yellow jacket on and that tells us, along with the slogan on his name badge that he is "Happy to Help", so we asked him to help by pretending to be a Cashier check out person and scan our items and check the prices - just for us! It was just like the olden days! He didn't look so happy to help when we asked him, but he WAS quicker than us because he has been TRAINED to help. Although he would most probably have preferred to have stood there with his ARMS FOLDED, just like the other staff members.

In these times of austerity, please spare a thought for the poor supermarket giants who cannot even afford to employ staff any more. Thank heavens for The Fast Lane!

This all led me to thinking that the fast lane is such a good idea - we could roll it out to other industries as well. How about:

• Fast Lane Barber Shop - where you go in and they hand you a pair of scissors and a mirror?
• Fast Lane Cleaning Service - where they arrive at your door and hand you a mop?
• Fast Lane Bakery - They provide water, yeast and flour, and you have access to an oven.

"Thank you for using The Fast Lane!" "We're Happy to Help!"

High angle

The problem with high angles when the subject is wearing a long coat is that they may end up looking like diddymen.This week, I have been experimenting with high angles, and here is the dreadful result. It's not as easy as it seems, folks. You need to get some distance between you and the subject, ideally hopping on one of those strange monopod step things that look like upturned buckets.

Take extreme care not to be seen. Security guards guard these things, and also those little metal stairs that lead nowhere that seem to be lying around in supermarkets. The purpose of the stairs is, of course to get high angle shots, but art of the game involves not being seen by security guards, shelf stackers, or store managers. They get very possessive over their things.

This is a bad entry. Very unflattering.

Composition:  The high angle is good, but not good enough to negate the fact that it looks like Tixi has no legs. I mean, she is short, but not that short. She's short tempered too. Good job she doesn't read this blog, eh? 
Pose: I was trying to catch the 'pidgeon toes of shoppingdom', as I call them, and I have almost captured it, but not totally successfully. I shall try for close ups next. 

The left leg lift

Once again, I managed to get the top shelf photo...looking good, looking good. With my stunning model getting the pose just right - the left leg lift at just the right angle, I am pretty pleased with this one. It's an improvement on the previous disaster.

Nice, clean floor, the use of perspective and there is even a golden mean element to it.

Composition: I think this could be better, personally, there's just something not right about the angle. It's ever so slightly canted, and that isn't deliberate, I'm sad to say. It leans back the wrong way. Oh well. It's a  from me.

Pose: I can't fault the model. She is well practiced at this particular pose, and it fascinates me. I could watch her taking stuff off the top shelves for hours. In fact, I just have. Good on her! It's a thumbs up from me: 

Milk

Top shelf milk. It has a certain appeal to my vertically challenged wife.

Now, I am not sure is that it is fresher or that there is some 'higher the shelf, higher the quality', but bottom shelf milk just isn't good enough for Tixi.

Mind you, this isn't a great photo. I needed a bit a space and the composition just all fell apart.

I can't bring myself to rate it. I must do better...

The return of the supermarket game

Well here we are and it's a new year - and a new phone. That can only mean one thing - the return of the supermarket game!

Okay, so what have we here? Goodness me, I must be a bit rusty. This is awful. I have lost my touch!

In fact I think I won't even bother rating this and pretend it was just a warm up and that. Perhaps I'll say it was never meant to be posted on here anyhow. That's it. It was all a mistake. Don't tell anyone, okay? It'll be our little secret.

Saving you money every day

There is something reassuring about the slogan, "Saving you money every day". Saving money is something we all need to be doing, especially in these dark financial times we are suffering from.

That's why - good news! ASDA seem to stock lots of cheap bits of folded card with a joke printed on it for a few pounds. I can never choose one. They all look the same to me. I used to hand - draw birthday cards for people, but it seems you need to have a barcode on the back in order for it to be acceptable these days.

So anyway, there I was at ASDA. Tixi was looking at cards, so I was able to experiment with composition and framing, getting the light just right. She is a wonderful model. Very patient. I didn't even need to ask her to look at the cards for hours on end - she just did what came naturally.

It is amazing though how when you go out to buy a unique and thoughtful gift for someone - perhaps a cuddly toy? A cow? That would be novel.

ASDA stock everything you could possibly want, if that is the case. Although the 'unique' part is in question.

Composition: It took me a long time, but I think I nailed this. You see those Greeks? They had this thing called the Golden mean, and I used it in this photo: The graceful arch of the back. The Golden Triangle; High contrast of the subject; there is Repeated Form in there: You may notice perspective lines MADE UP OF repeated cows. I bet that is a first in the world of photography. Google it and prove me wrong, then. It's all in there, so: 
Pose: If I had reversed this pose in photoshop, and coloured Tixia in red, it would make a great Kellogs "Special K" advert, I reckon (especially if they are wanting to break into that as yet untapped 'hunchback demographic'. 

A flying start to the new year, and it's looking to be a good one too. My final thought: ASDA is so dedicated to this new slogan, "Saving you money every day", they even give you a print out of how much money they have saved you on that day. Well, I keep those little bits of paper. So far, I've saved a small fortune.

One day, I'm going to cash them all in and buy a Morgan 3-wheeler.

Vitamin Pink

I'm sure that vitamins are for women. I'm not trying to be sexist here, but I really don't understand them. For example, if I need vitamin C, I'll eat an orange. Or a kiwi. Or maybe drink a glass of orange juice or something. But not ladies. At least, not my lady. No, Tix is proof of this, peering at the vast array of, I have to say, very colourful bottles. I think she is interested in the pink label vitamins. And before you say it, yes, that does look pink to me. For me, and I think I speak for most men, Pink represents a whole spectrum of colours that women are actually capable of appreciating, like fuschia, salmon, magenta, rose and possibly even mauve, although I have my suspicions that that last one doesn't really exist.

On another subject - look at the bottom row - there are some HUGE bottles down there. I've always thought those bottles must be for men. Weight gain? Muscle generating pills? Call me sexist, but they sound like Man Pills. (Incidentally, I have always wondered if those massive bottles have really big pills inside them?)

Composition: I like the way the shelves colour is sharply contrasted with the stark black coat: 
Pose: The leg pose is good, but I was a little late with the button on my rubbishy old phone. A second earlier and I'd have had the perfect pose. Sorry chaps, it's only a 