Vitamin Pink

I'm sure that vitamins are for women. I'm not trying to be sexist here, but I really don't understand them. For example, if I need vitamin C, I'll eat an orange. Or a kiwi. Or maybe drink a glass of orange juice or something. But not ladies. At least, not my lady. No, Tix is proof of this, peering at the vast array of, I have to say, very colourful bottles. I think she is interested in the pink label vitamins. And before you say it, yes, that does look pink to me. For me, and I think I speak for most men, Pink represents a whole spectrum of colours that women are actually capable of appreciating, like fuschia, salmon, magenta, rose and possibly even mauve, although I have my suspicions that that last one doesn't really exist.

On another subject - look at the bottom row - there are some HUGE bottles down there. I've always thought those bottles must be for men. Weight gain? Muscle generating pills? Call me sexist, but they sound like Man Pills. (Incidentally, I have always wondered if those massive bottles have really big pills inside them?)

Composition: I like the way the shelves colour is sharply contrasted with the stark black coat: 
Pose: The leg pose is good, but I was a little late with the button on my rubbishy old phone. A second earlier and I'd have had the perfect pose. Sorry chaps, it's only a 

Nice 'n Easy

Sometimes we are looking at the products, but sometimes I have a sneaking suspicion they are looking back at us. It's not often you get to take reflective photos - and this almost started a "mirror phase" for me - but there is a lack of mirrors in most supermarkets. I'm striving to get a shot reflected from one of those smaller supermarkets which have mirrors in their produce aisles, presumably to reflect a bit more light onto their genetically modified tomatoes to make them shine a bit brighter, or to make it look like their shelves have twice as much stock on them.

Pose: Can't really classify this for pose, because it's just a reflection: 
Composition: It's almost good...

Vaguely Nazi

I don't know if it is just me, but there seems to be something a little Hitlerian about this. Is it the way the bottles are lined up with such precision? The repeated form of the trolleys, like a row of tanks trundling on their way into battle? I just can't work it out.



Composition:  Not bad, but it is a little bit cramped. I feel. Too much foreground.
Pose: Ah - that's what it is. It's the little bag. When I was a kid, those tiny plastic German soldiers had bags like that.  For the nostalgia.

My brother used to be the Germans. They had machine guns. I had the British...they all seemed to have their bayonet equipped rifles pointing up in the air, and hats with foliage on them. The game was that you could shoot whatever your gun was aimed at. My troops didn't stand a chance.

That's why Dad's gone to Iceland...

As I previously mentioned, I'm extremely single, so my shopping "partner" tends to be whoever I'm shopping with at the time.

This time, I went to Iceland with my dad. This is Hounslow Iceland. Possibly the world's wrst laid out shop. The aisles are narrow. the store is miniscule. The staff are zombies. Trying to get a picture where there isn't a bag of chips casually kicked under a freezer or a couple of policemen arresting a shoplifter is a feat in itself. Trying to get a photo of my subject in "stealth mode", when you have to stand two feet away from him, quickly is a challenge in itself.

But I gave it a go anyway.

Also, a funny story about that place. I was in Hounslow last year and was approached by a woman who asked me if I knew where Iceland was. I told her that she could probably get a flight from Heathrow. ha. ha. ha. What did you want? You're reading a blog about covertly photographing people shopping. You want funny? go find Bill Bailey on Twitter or something.

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Shortbread Biscuits.
Note the boxes and crap all over the floor. The whole shop is like this. And it all smells funny, too.
So, moving swiftly on.

POSE: Nothing terribly special about it, really. He's just picking up some biscuits. The only thing I like about it was the timing, I think. This was a challenging one to get as I had to stand so close, with my phone camera not being too fantastic at these shots.
 I'm only giving this 3/10.

COMPOSITION: Terrible. The place looks like a bombsite. The product is blurry. The lighting is atrocious (He's not an albino, honest). The only redeeming feature is that I managed to get the picture almost exactly 50/50 split vertically, half shelves, half him.
This also gets 3/10. For a grand total of a woeful 6/20.

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 TOAD IN THE HOLE
Damn that trolley! I did like this strange effect where he's reaching into the freezer. The guy in the background is reaching into the freezer. The guy beyond him is reaching into the freezer. Almost like pointing a webcam at your monitor and playing with the perpetuality parallax... Or like some kind of choreographed dance routine.

The let downs being the trolley, bread trays and all the other crap. And again, the lighting.

So, POSE, I'm actually chuffed with it. I'm awarding myself a whopping 7/10.
I like his right arm holding the dreezer open. He means business. He's MARCHING into the freezer and TAKING that which is rightfully his: The prize: A Toad In The Hole. Yum.

COMPOSITION:  Yeah, the recursive Shopper element. I really like that and I believe it's a first in the game. You can't set it up. I'm thinking the trolley in the foreground might not be such a woe afterall, as it mirrors the bread trays further down Sod it. I'm taking 8 points/10 for it. Probably WAY too generous, but if you knew how hard it is to get ANY decent photos in that hellhole, you'd want eight out of ten for it as well!

Totalling 15/20. Not bad at all.

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Life is empty without the supermarket game

I bought a phone charger! So, I am finally able to get to the photos I took before that dreadful tidying up session that rendered my phone useless. (Think the wife had something to do with it, actually...) Anyhow, a trip to Spitalfields market (great opportunity, wasted), and I came across a phone charger for the rubbishy phone that I have.

Many thanks to all of you who sent in phones, iPhones and a gadget called a "bloggerphone" (haven't got round to taking it out of the box yet, but it looks fun) - I found the monthly charges for all of them a little overwhelming, and am glad to get back to my awful little excuse for a phone with the pay as you go talkplan and the 2 pixel photos.

Here is a photo I took which explores what shopping has been like without playing THE SUPERMARKET GAME.

Crouching Tigger Hidden Nailfile

And here is my first entry into what will surely become a future Olympic Sport (but not next year, as they're.. rant rant rant...)

So, she isn't my partner, she's Tigger, my sister, but I'm quite sure it still counts. Here she is looking for some cosmetics. Also, Superdrug is not really a supermarket either. In fact, I don't think this is a valid entry at all.

COMPOSITION: Well, Considering it contravenes most of the laws of the game (subject is not my partner, location is not a supermarket), I don't think the photo's too bad. There's an annoying black spot on the tile by her foot, but I do like the way the floor tiles and the line of the shelves run off into the distance, drawing the viewer's eye up the aisle. The lighting isn't too bad and for a camera phone, the shot actually came out okay.

I'm going to give this ●●●●●●○○○○ (6/10)

POSE: Great pose. I call it "Crouching Tigger, Hidden Nailfile". She's cradling the febreeze as Indiana Jones would cradle solid gold Sun God Idols whilst tinkering with some unseen boobytrap in a wall. Speaking of which, Stop looking at my sister's boobies.

I think for pose, this gets a ●●●●●●●○○○ (7/10).

HAIR REMOVAL

This is a long distance shot as I wanted to get the giant Nivea tub in. It doesn't really show and lools like a normal tub in the foreground.

I also didn't get the shot straight and it looks like the shop's on a hill. I could say that I was attempting the "Canted Angle" shot that Cubinoid used in an earlier post, but nope, it was accidental. Also, the broken shelf at the back of the store detracts from the regimented lines of bottles, the floor tiles and  general linearity of the shot. Sloppy. But I did like the big sign above her that reads "Hair Removal". Is too much hair such a problem that it warrants its own aisle in Superdrug? I was impressed at just how many ways there are for getting rid of bodily hair and the millions of products available with which one can do so.

So, COMPOSITION: Not great. Slightly out of focus (dirty lens on my camera, I think - It doesn't have a lens cover so is succeptible to finger marks and other crap.) The things mentioned above detract as well (broken shelf, failed Nivea, wonky camera).
 I'm only giving this
●●●●○○○○○○ (4/10)

POSE: Nothing special here. No fancy footwork or anything. You can't see what the item is properly It's basically, an average photo of somebody shopping.
●●○○○○○○○○ (2/10).

OVERWHELMING RESPONSE

Well, firstly I want to say a big thank you for the overwhelming response I had to the last post. As you may recall, I have lost my old phone charger and the current bit of telephonic gadgetry I am using is so old and crusty it doesn't even take photos.

When the first iPhone arrived in the post addressed to me, I thought there had been some mistake, and when I realised, I was really overjoyed - thank you so much! Then, when the second phone arrived (not an iPhone, but still quite nice), I was amazed. You could have knocked me down with a feather. Now I am sitting here with no less than five pretty new phones with which to take new photos in order to keep the Supermarket Game going! I am amazed! Thank you so much!

Please stop phoning me though. It's a little annoying, because I don't know which one to answer.

Anyway - on to the game!

I haven't actually managed to use any of the new phones just yet - however another Supermarket Game reader actually managed to reel off a snap on THEIR OWN phone and it has ended up on my desktop. Thank you Miss JH from Surrey.







Composition: Could do with a little work on getting the old phone level, I'd say, but it's not half bad for a first attempt. 
Pose: Pretty impressed actually. Who can squat like that? And reading the ingredients on a pack of wipes? 

Remember, you too can join in the fun if ask me...drop me a line at Supermarket Game HQ, or find me on Facebook. I want to see more of YOUR photos up here - especially as I am photographically disabled right now. See you next time on...THE SUPERMARKET GAME.

Phoneless

We had a springclean, the missus and me. I told her not to tidy the cables and things that are near the computer table but would she listen? I tell you, she's got a mind of her own. Anyway the upshot of it all is that I can't find my phone charger. The battery has run out and we're off to the supermarket as usual, and there's me without a phone. I remembered that I have a really old phone that I hardly ever used, so I quickly charge it up one bar before we go out.

The next thing I know, I look at the phone only to find it has NO camera on it at all! Just a funnel for putting the coal in one end, and a crank handle to get it started.

Anyway, quick as a flash, I borrowed the other half's posh video camera. It does video and you can take still shots from it too, and I managed to get some rather decent shots in my opinion.

Not bad this new fangled technology. Doesn't make phone calls though, but it filled a gap whilst I search for the phone charger.

Here we go then!


Fruity
Long shot from the fruit aisle. I was just warming up with this shot really. Nothing fancy. A trifle conservative if you ask me.




Reduced to clear
Here we have a lovely shot from a high angle of the missus checking out all the wonderful reduced products...all the out of date stuff that ASDA are about to throw away but reduce to 17p in case some mug wants to buy last months Salt Fish Patty. But it was 17p though.


Back view
I realised I didn't have a decent back view for my portfolio, and this took quite a bit of "boxing about" to get the camera into exactly the right position. Not bad, but there's more to come...


Remote control
Okay, now there is a remote control hanging our of the back of my wife there. Let me explain. So many of our fans write to us here at The Supermarket Game Headquarters asking for particular poses...some of you lovely people out there go one further and even send in props for the missus to wear during our supermarket expeditions. Well, one of our fans sent in a pair of lazer ear gadgets...you wear them in your ears and they can shoot flippin' laser beams out of your ears! Well, I couldn't believe it. But, I managed to install the things into the ears without too much fuss, but the tricky part was taking the snaps without the missus knowing about it.


Lazer ears
It's like something from James Bond, isn't it? You just don't know how hard it is to press the buttons on a remote control that is realistically one foot away or less from the lazers, and still get enough distance from the subject to attain a shot like this. Arms length in both directions, if you follow. I blocked a whole aisle to get this tricky shot. Now look - you see the green thing above the red lazer ear? I thought it reminded me of a traffic light, so I worked really hard on getting something green UNDER the red light for the next shot, so it would look even more like traffic lights. Ready?


Laser ears / traffic light
Super eh? If you count her brass button as an amber, you have a traffic light right there in aisle 3 of ASDA.


Standy up thing for stacking the top shelf.
Every store worth its salt has one of these things. It is like a beheaded R2D2. A stool without legs, just tiny wheels underneath. If you apply weight to the thing, it stops rolling around and you can stand on it. I stood on this one just long enough to take this extra high angle shot.


----- BONUS GAME! -----

ASDAs little helper.
Another fan of the Supermarket Game asked us some time back if we could include a picture a shelf stacker...so here is the BONUS GAME! I have been toying with the BONUS GAME for a while, thinking it would be worth a point for each store employee you manage to get into your shot.


This is worth only one point, BUT it is a double whammy because if you look you will see that little ASDA shelf stacker is controlling the remote for the lazer ears wired into my wife's brain! Fantastic.


No marks for Composition or Pose this time, because I feel it's cheating - I took video and sifted through to find the best poses. Not the same as waiting for the moment with your phone camera...Wonder if I'll ever find my charger again?

That's all for now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Keep sending your letters and postcards in, and remember - you too can join the game if you wish to join in the fun. Just drop me a line and ask, and I'll show you how to get started playing THE SUPERMARKET GAME!

All we seem to do these days...

is eat out so the game has suffered somewhat.
Apologies to the many many fans of the supermarket game who have taken the time to write letters of concern to us here at Supermarket Game headquarters and even those of you who have sent ready-meals.

But, honestly. The fridge is still full, but the kitchen is full of fish and chip wrappers, and empty cartons of Chinese takeaways. The last time we went shopping we ended up looking at clothes...and I did manage to reel off this snappy snap, but that's all I have for you, folks. Really. It is a sad day for the Supermarket Game.

On the plus side, there has been some interest from a few fans of the game wondering whether anyone can play, and of course, you can. Send me a message and I'll show you how to join in the intense fun and action.



Composition:  A bit blurred. Not too impressive. This isn't like riding a bike, you know. I'm a bit rusty to be honest.
Pose:  (Sigh) To me, it just looks like she is explaining about the size of a fish she has caught to a agoraphobic dwarf.

2 Cute

I managed to get this closer view of the scene...just got round to getting it off my phone. My phone is so old it doesn't have a USB connection - it has a funnel.

Composition: 
Pose:  Loving the way her pose reflects the boots hanging at a weird angle. That's poetry.

Cute

This is a variation on the game. I was trying to get a "Long Shot" - in other words, as far away from the other half as possible without any other people, trolleys or baskets in the frame. I have pretty much achieved perfection here; no trolleys, no bystanders, and I am rewarding myself with a large glass of beetroot juice.

Composition:  but it is a bit wonky...
Pose: , it's hard to tell exactly from this distance.

Saving

How is it possible to Save when you are spending, eh? Eh? Tell me that! Answer me, please. Because sometimes I look at a receipt and it tells me, "Today you have saved £4.50". Now, I could buy a take away for that. So when I ask the cashier if I can withdraw my savings, why does she look at me so weirdly? Huh? Am I missing something here?

Composition: 
Pose: 

Not happy. Saving indeed!

25% Off All Clothing

When you are in Sainsburys, a sign that says 25% off all clothing seems too attractive, so I guess that is what has inspired the futile rummage. I mean, you are never gonna find a pair of New Rock boots or military greatcoat in Sainsburys.

It's a nice picture. Bit blurred I guess. Not as good as my previous photos of the "Superman pose".

Composition:  because of the stupid trolley! How did that get into the shot???
Pose:  - bit blurred. (sigh) It reminds me of Star Wars, for some reason...

Fish Superman!

I managed to get a SECOND superman shot: here she is reaching for some kind of bottled fish, I think. Look at those dear little tippy toes! I don't like the basket being in shot, but overall, it turned out okay, I think.

Composition: - because of that stupid basket.
Pose:  Really, really pleased.

Free from Canned Vegetables

We'd all like a life free from canned vegetables, but here is The Superman pose! Superman doesn't need canned vegetables! Unlike Popeye, who thrives on them. What a pose! I caught it on camera! The actual Superman Pose - where you are too short to reach, but you really really need that item on the very top shelf! Fantastic, the shape of the calf muscles, the angle of the shoulders as she reaches for the sky...amazing. I have amazed myself. I'm going to celebrate by putting the kettle on. Very pleased.

Composition:  Look at the splashes of colour! Not sure why the supermarket looks pink, maybe a defect in my three pixel camera phone. But, nice.
Pose:  Up, up and away! Brilliant. The lass outdid herself there.

Nose tweak

The nose tweak. It is what you do when you are unsure of a price, or are wondering whether to do something. My other half has a knack of remembering all of the prices, including '2 for 1 offers' and 'buy one get one free' offers at a range of supermarkets, so here she must be looking at something alien to her. Cake decorations, I think. She recently spend about £30 on cake making products, so she is probably looking for something to decorate them with. From the looks of it, the silver icing balls are priced too highly.

Or perhaps she has caused that bar of cooking chocolate to fall on the floor, and is wondering whether to pick it up or discreetly kick it under the shelves. I don't know. Adds to the mystery of the photo, I think.

Composition: . A narrower depth of field would have been nice, but on a phone that has two games, one of which is essentially, Tetris, it would be asking too much.
Pose: , because I am pleased to have captured a genuine nose tweak in action.

Chocolate Mousse

Does anybody remember the "You may not want your children to watch this advert for Chambourcy real chocolate Mousse...far too good for the children?" Well...what happened to that? It seemed like the height of the unobtainable at the time. Did anyone actually taste one of those things?

But - look at how jauntily the hand is placed in one pocket as my muse gracefully bends towards these four tiny pots of heaven. I love the way the shelf packers' trolleys shield this intimate act of shopping from anyone, as if it is a discreet but somehow naughty moment between the shopper and the item. Sainsburys seems to be full of these trolleys. It makes for a great challenge, navigating the aisles with a heavily laden trolley, as well as taking high end art photographs like this. No-one said being an artist would be easy. We have to make sacrifices.

Composition:  I like the trolleys, but not the angle of the camera. Darn. I really need a trolley tripod.
Pose:  Not bad, I deducted a point for the hair and mousse blur.

Empty

Today, I went to the shops on my own. It's just not the same. I need my muse!
Composition: O
Pose: O

Saving

Oh, now this is superb, if I do say so myself...look at the feet there, the clutching of the item, yet the look of longing in the face - the whole body screaming, "I want this! I don't want to let it go" but simultaneously saying, "Ohh...that looks shiny..."

Confidence in what has been selected and also indecisiveness - the tension, the not knowing which item was purchased in the end, the one held, or the one being looked at. I love the suspense, and the fact that the perspective lines all lead to a face that is looking hard at Brasso or some other cleaning product.


Which one do you think she went for?

For composition, well, it's gotta be  mostly because the word "SAVING" is right above her head, like a thought bubble. Beauty!
And for the pose, , almost perfect. The use of driving gloves in a supermarket borders on genius.

Alpro

This would have been almost perfect had it not been ruined by someone else walking into frame, stage left.
For some reason, it's one of my self imposed rules: I like to have the aisle completely free of other people.
But look! Look at the pose! I call it the semi crouch.

Ah well. It was almost good.

Composition:  (but woulda been higher if not for that pesky...)
Pose:  Come on! The right foot lift!

Facial Skincare

What could be better for protecting your skin than a Buzz Lightyear spacehelmet?
I really quite like this one. As if he's some kinda space-age Sainsburys store detective checking the customer out...

So, what score do we get here? Well, for composition, amazing. 
And as far as the pose, not bad - full body in shot, however a tad blurry, so I deduct a point...I give it a 

A new personal best!

King size bedsheet

Hmm. Not great. I think there's a bit of a focus problem here. I guess I'm too close. There's blurry stuff going on, darn.
Compositionally, I'd rate this as a 
In terms of the pose, I think it contravenes some health and safety law. Surely you are meant to bend your knees or something? 

I am determined to get better at this. Any tips out there?

Free Range Chicken

Thought I'd get a bit clever. This is called a "Dutch" or "Canted Angle" apparently. They used it in the 1966 Batman series whenever there was a bad guy on screen. Because they are "crooked", see? Anyway, this is my version of my very own catwoman looking at a bird - not the Penguin, but a free range chicken. They always taste better don't they? I think the moral fibres in your tastebuds are heightened when you think the thing you are eating led a happy life...until it was killed, plucked, cooked and eaten that is.

Ahem.

Right, lets see...

Composition: I have to knock off a point because there is a trolley in the background, but I do like the 'canted' angle, so it's a  from me.
Pose: again, it's all in the feet in this photo, but I have to deduct a point for not getting them both in frame. 

£4 Roll Back

Well this one, the camera was a bit wonky. I think I need a tripod. Why don't trolleys come with tripod attachments? Eh?
Anyway, this photo isn't great.

Compositionally, I don't think I Got It Right. I'd say it's a , but I'm open to criticism.
The Pose is actually quite good, I think. Look at the feet! It's all in the feet. Maybe a ?

Fresh Cream Cakes

Ah, now you see. This one was taken just a trifle too late. Moments earlier, the wife was peering down at some fresh cream cake or other, the lighting from the chiller compartment was just beautiful. But as you can see, I was just too late whipping the phone out. It's really not very good; not my best work.

Morrisons fresh cream cake aisle. The pinnacle of temptation.

Ah, well. I thought I'd post it here, just so you can see how NOT to do it. This is terrible.
The composition is all wrong, there's no perspective and the subject is all blurry. For composition, I'd say it's a 
The pose is no good either. She's not even looking the right way. I feel embarrassed posting this here, really.
The pose is a 
Rubbish.

Don't look. Just stop, will you? Actually, now I come to think about it, I think she was looking at a chocolate eclair. And she's got a wheat intolerance, so perhaps it's best she is walking away from it.

Bakery

Now this is better. I'm getting the hang of it now. This one's taken in ASDA. Good lighting in there. Music's not too bad either. That's the wife there...pretending to look at frozen ready meals, but we all know she's really going to go for the Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream.

I really like the composition of this one, but I reckon I could improve. Perhaps a .
I reckon a  for the pose, don't you? Stunning high heeled Doc Martens if you ask me.

Hellmann's Mayonnaise

Hellmann's Mayonnaise


This is the first game I played. It's not great, but I guess you have to start somewhere.
What I like about it is the angle of the sandals. Hellmann's Mayonnaise is probably the product being examined here. The focus isn't great. (My camera is really really bad. I was amazed it actually managed to take a photo.)

For composition, I'd give it a  (out of ten)
For the pose, I reckon it's just 

The Supermarket Game - Welcome!

Hello and welcome to the brand new game that is taking the world by storm. Or possibly not. In fact, probably not.

The Supermarket Game is designed to provide hours of pleasure whilst doing that most boring of tasks: Shopping.

I devised it during a particularly tedious session at Sainsburys. It has become an obsession. The graceful curve of the spine, the look of longing in the eyes, the wonderful diffused lighting, the "2 for 1 offer" signs in the background...so I thought I'd share the Supermarket Game with the rest of the world (or with the two people who have found their way to this blog).

Years ago, this game would not have evolved. Film is too expensive to process - but with the advent of the camera-phone, the stage has changed and the world is ready for a game of this artistic calibre.

HOW TO PLAY

The game is simple: Whilst your spouse or partner is busy shopping "hands free", leaving you to push the trolley, you reach into your pocket and whip out your trusty camera-phone device.

Wait until they are looking at the object of desire, wait...wait...until their eyes gleam with wanting to touch the object of desire...wait until the magic moment and SNAP!

Take a photo of them. It's that simple.